Religious Masochism

We've all heard this line - "Religion is the opium of the masses" by Karl Marx. However, we do him a great disservice by misquoting him. His critique about religion was about how it glorifies suffering and how it is used by the upper classes to keep the lower classes in their place. Here's the actual quote: 

Religious distress is at the same time the expression of real distress and the protest against real distress. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions. 

Karl Marx, Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right

So in a way, Marx wasn't totally against religion. If anything; the following excerpt supports his criticism.

I’m a 12 year-old again. Growing up with a shattered sense of worth because I was simply different; I didn’t fit all of societal expectations. There’s this tall and lanky guy who would rather play video games then play sports. He acted funny and even awkward. Oh did I forget to mention he’s smart but that’s not important. Let’s make fun of this tall and lanky guy just because he’s different not to mention he has B.O. 

 I’m in my room, alone with a pair of scissors on the table. I’m crying because I don’t act like the normal guy. I’m always made fun of. I can’t go to my parents and tell them because that would be wimpy. My brothers can’t help me because they can’t understand me; the age gap and all. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to grab the pair of scissors and be able to slice through my wrists; let the blood flow and soak the floor of my room. But for some reason, I can’t. God has inflicted this suffering on me. He must have some divine plan for me.

After all, remember the Beatitudes; blessed are those who suffer because of God. I screamed and cried looking at the mounted crucifix. He must be making me suffer because He wants me to be strong. I wiped my tears and decided to act according to societal expectations. There must be a reason for the suffering and it’s because of me. My suffering is glorious in God’s eyes. 

I got out of my room, wiped my tears and accepted the pain and suffering. I suppressed my real self; everything I say and do must be double, nay, triple-checked. Every impression I leave on people must be the correct one. My real self is worthless and unacceptable. Thus, this is God’s will.

The above excerpt is from a monologue I've written for a special event. Yes, it is from me. This actually happened because I was foolish enough to take this Beatitude seriously: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth". So, yes; this is part of the emotional reason why I am against religion. Don't get me wrong, as much as I fantasize about Roman Catholicism being abolished, its temples burned and its priests killed; people will still need their religion, their opium so to speak. I've chosen not to partake of this opium but I can't deny people their need of opium just as long as they don't force it down upon me.

So the question should not be "why am I so against religion" but rather "why am I not as militant as I should have the right to be". A part of it is due to my former Jesuit masters. Due to their progressive mindset and love of critical thinking; I've seen the possible good Catholicism can do. However, don't expect me to go back to its fold. I will criticize their stupidity and ignorance because I can and it shouldn't go unchallenged. Also, I exist to give an alternative viewpoint that is not god-centric. Godlessness need not be nihilistic. 

Large part of who I am is because of this "loving" religion. I can't deny I'm a bit of a suplado but it is partly a defense mechanism I've used. I've moved forward and holding negative emotions will only weaken me. I have only myself to blame for taking Roman Catholicism seriously. Heck this quote from Naruto is what keeps me positive about humanity; well I've paraphrased it. 

Gaara: (to Sasuke) The reason why I can still see and appreciate the light is because I've been in darkness.