"As long as you have love you still have hope" - from "Love of Siam" by Chookiat Sakveerakul
After all, love is intrinsically tied to hope. Hope for a better future, better self and better possibilities. But, we really aren't sure what these outcomes are. We can only put ourselves out there and embrace whatever. As one of my former college professors/masters put it, "real hope isn't tied on a tangible outcome".
We love and we hope. That's all anyone can do. Unless someone can invent a device that can see the future but of course that'll open up many more paradoxes. So better the uncertainty of hoping.
"You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices." - from "Fault in Our Stars" by John Green
“On the one hand, getting shot in the chest hurt, like a lot. But on the other, it felt good to bleed, to feel pain, to feel love.” from "Warm Bodies" (movie) by Jonathan Levine
To "Red Dress": I haven't thought about you for awhile. Heck, the only reason you've resurfaced in my mind is that my college batchmates brought you up during our 50th Alumni Homecoming. I laugh at my naivete then. But now, I'd like to thank you. Without you, I wouldn't have matured. I wouldn't have the current drive I have now.
It's easy to call you "the Bitch Who Made Me Cry On A Sidewalk" but now, with enough Time, I can look back at it as a necessary path to growth and maturity. And I can honestly laugh at the entire thing. Without you, I wouldn't have one of the reasons to keep exercising and pushing myself beyond my limits.
To "The Dilimanite": what can I say? You were the one who I showed the real me. I haven't done such a thing in a long time. I've put up these barriers in the fear of getting hurt but you're the one who made me tear them down. In that short time period we shared, October 2012- November 2012, I felt like a kid again.
The first time we met has even some tinge of literary genius in it. Imagine me, sitting down on the floor, ignoring other people, reading the class transcriptions because I was so busy studying for Biochemistry then you walked in the room. When I looked upon you, I felt something. Literally, the room stopped and all I could see was you. I was compelled to win your heart there and then at that moment.
Then, you graciously rejected me but not without coming to my room and talking to me. You propped me up during that November 1. It was the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time.
And approximately a year after, in a coffee shop, while studying Cardiac Pathology, I cried. Apparently, there is such a thing as a Type IV hypersensitivity reaction of the Heart. That's how much you affected my life.
It's easy to call you "the Bitch Who Made Me Cry On A Sidewalk" but now, with enough Time, I can look back at it as a necessary path to growth and maturity. And I can honestly laugh at the entire thing. Without you, I wouldn't have one of the reasons to keep exercising and pushing myself beyond my limits.
To "The Dilimanite": what can I say? You were the one who I showed the real me. I haven't done such a thing in a long time. I've put up these barriers in the fear of getting hurt but you're the one who made me tear them down. In that short time period we shared, October 2012- November 2012, I felt like a kid again.
The first time we met has even some tinge of literary genius in it. Imagine me, sitting down on the floor, ignoring other people, reading the class transcriptions because I was so busy studying for Biochemistry then you walked in the room. When I looked upon you, I felt something. Literally, the room stopped and all I could see was you. I was compelled to win your heart there and then at that moment.
Then, you graciously rejected me but not without coming to my room and talking to me. You propped me up during that November 1. It was the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time.
And approximately a year after, in a coffee shop, while studying Cardiac Pathology, I cried. Apparently, there is such a thing as a Type IV hypersensitivity reaction of the Heart. That's how much you affected my life.
"I’m going now. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here for your battle; I was fighting my own. But we won, right? I can feel it. There’s a shiver in our legs, a tremor like the Earth speeding up, spinning off into uncharted orbits. Scary, isn’t it? But what wonderful thing didn’t start out scary? I don’t know what the next page is for you, but whatever it is for me I swear I’m not going to fuck it up. I’m not going to yawn off in the middle of a sentence and hide it in a drawer. Not this time. Peel off these dusty wool blankets of apathy and antipathy and cynical desiccation. I want life in all its stupid sticky rawness" - from "Warm Bodies"(book) by Isaac Marion
To the future: of course, I don't know what you'll be. I don't even know if there'll even be a "Who". But that's the beauty of it. The uncertainty of Loving and Hoping is now tied to the rawness of Life itself. We can easily wall ourselves from pain but that essentially walls us off from Life. So I live on, I bleed, I write, I read and I move. What I won't do is become an apathetic Being, afraid of pain and action. While it's tempting to be stuck in a drawer; it simply won't do for a Living, Human Being like myself.
A simple toast to uncertainty that thing which makes all things exquisitely beautiful.
A simple toast to uncertainty that thing which makes all things exquisitely beautiful.
“On the one hand, getting shot in the chest hurt, like a lot. But on the other, it felt good to bleed, to feel pain, to feel love.” from "Warm Bodies" (movie) by Jonathan Levine
