Or
moments of irrationality if you prefer the more formal term. Anyway, I believe
everyone has them and contrary to belief; I actually have moments like this.
Foremost would be the decision to enter medical school. So far the greatest irrational decision I've ever made. Still waiting for the results of the promotion boards and well,
still seeing what would be the results 10-20 years down the line. And the other
moments, well again, you would be shocked.
1. Got crazy-drunk in the middle of a public field in school during high school. (I didn't get caught officially).
2. Pined for someone with the song, "Officially Missing You" by Tamia for 1 whole year *insert snicker here*.
3. Wrote this on my Facebook wall.
4. And 1 year later, after getting friend-zoned by the person in no. 3; cried in a coffee shop. It didn't help that "A Thousand Years" by Cristina Perri was being played on repeat. Not to mention, was studying Cardiac Pathology.
5. Wrote and staged my own monologue with a partner. Oh and said partner was the same person in Nos. 3 and 4. (Shhh no one but friends from that event knows about this one).
6. Drank many vodka-laced shots and smoked an entire pack in a party staged during the night. It was a school night but the finale was making out with someone. (Hey, at least it wasn’t on-stage where every people can see; oops a different event and time).
7. Finally, cried my entire being on the side of a sidewalk at approximately 2:00 am in the morning.
No. 7 was during the last year of college. I was getting crazy enough to go to parties. And, to put it simply, I was dumped. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Semi-last year of college and I was walking along the SEC-B foyer when I saw a poster of a certain someone. A person sliding alongside a motorcycle or it seems to be because of the photograph. It didn't help that "Sexy Bitch" by David Guetta feat. Akon was playing. I was drawn to the figure wearing a red dress and sliding on top of a red motorcycle. Maybe it was the pose or the expression but it seemed to me, the person was sliding or maybe melding with the red motorcycle. Red happens to be my favorite color; something about red representing bravery, audacity and passion. It got to me.
Funnily enough, it was a "human auction" or an event to bid the highest to win a date with said person. Whoever was the brainchild of that smoldering poster is an effective marketer. It was effective on me! I bid the highest on "Red Dress" and had the audacity to use my YM id (Facebook wasn't "in" during those times or maybe I was ignorant). My rationale during that time was that if "Red Dress" didn't like me then I could be messaged and I'd abandon my bid.
Classmates cheered me and "Red Dress" didn't message me. So I was feeling jittery and thinking this could be the start of something.
During the Bionight which was the event wherein the winning bid would be announced, I was so excited. I even wore something nice, shaved and gelled my hair. Things I would only do on very rare and special occasions then. However, an unexpected twist happened. Someone bid against me. Doing the very crazy thing, I bid more and even borrowed money from my friends.
Unfortunately, he had more money. I kicked myself then for spending my spare money on online games. And the knife-thrust to the gut and the arrow straight to the heart happened: it was Red Dress's boyfriend who bid against me. My illusions were shattered. Imagine an atom suddenly imploding inside and, all at once, exploding. It was a sudden release of all the tensed energy and for one night, I embraced craziness. I drank all the available alcohol and smoked all the available cigarettes.
“So why’d you bid for Red Dress?” asked someone as he was driving me and my friend home. I just smiled and brushed it off but inside I was slowly imploding and embracing that rush of melancholy like a long-lost friend.
And we finally get to number 7. While walking to the town house, my college residence then, I broke down on the side of the road. Cried. I let the tears explode. Suddenly, I was reminded of how insignificant I was. How deluded I was that a human person would actually fall for someone who was ugly, a bit on the thin side, someone wearing glasses and having a brownish complexion. At least I wasn’t making noise and waking anyone up with my inconsequential breakdown.
And 3 years after no. 7, I’m reminded of a comment a groupmate/friend made about my behaviour. “People actually find you weird and creepy”. Yeah, I know. It was all an elaborate defence mechanism to make me an unattractive person. And it worked. If my classmates are reading this, well here is a psychoanalytic explanation for my crass behaviour falling under Axis 4 of the DSM IV TR guidelines. Damn you Psychiatry!
Yes, the fact that I’m writing this online instead of saying it in person is pathetic but hey, I’m getting somewhere. The mere fact I’m writing about it and posting it on a platform wherein anyone can see it is progress enough. Or who knows, this will stay buried here. Maybe it’s all for the best. Maybe this will serve as a notch, as a mark, that I’ve moved on.
If anything at least I have a very strong reason, among many, to have a work-out routine even during the rigors of medical school.
1. Got crazy-drunk in the middle of a public field in school during high school. (I didn't get caught officially).
2. Pined for someone with the song, "Officially Missing You" by Tamia for 1 whole year *insert snicker here*.
3. Wrote this on my Facebook wall.
4. And 1 year later, after getting friend-zoned by the person in no. 3; cried in a coffee shop. It didn't help that "A Thousand Years" by Cristina Perri was being played on repeat. Not to mention, was studying Cardiac Pathology.
5. Wrote and staged my own monologue with a partner. Oh and said partner was the same person in Nos. 3 and 4. (Shhh no one but friends from that event knows about this one).
6. Drank many vodka-laced shots and smoked an entire pack in a party staged during the night. It was a school night but the finale was making out with someone. (Hey, at least it wasn’t on-stage where every people can see; oops a different event and time).
7. Finally, cried my entire being on the side of a sidewalk at approximately 2:00 am in the morning.
No. 7 was during the last year of college. I was getting crazy enough to go to parties. And, to put it simply, I was dumped. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Semi-last year of college and I was walking along the SEC-B foyer when I saw a poster of a certain someone. A person sliding alongside a motorcycle or it seems to be because of the photograph. It didn't help that "Sexy Bitch" by David Guetta feat. Akon was playing. I was drawn to the figure wearing a red dress and sliding on top of a red motorcycle. Maybe it was the pose or the expression but it seemed to me, the person was sliding or maybe melding with the red motorcycle. Red happens to be my favorite color; something about red representing bravery, audacity and passion. It got to me.
Funnily enough, it was a "human auction" or an event to bid the highest to win a date with said person. Whoever was the brainchild of that smoldering poster is an effective marketer. It was effective on me! I bid the highest on "Red Dress" and had the audacity to use my YM id (Facebook wasn't "in" during those times or maybe I was ignorant). My rationale during that time was that if "Red Dress" didn't like me then I could be messaged and I'd abandon my bid.
Classmates cheered me and "Red Dress" didn't message me. So I was feeling jittery and thinking this could be the start of something.
During the Bionight which was the event wherein the winning bid would be announced, I was so excited. I even wore something nice, shaved and gelled my hair. Things I would only do on very rare and special occasions then. However, an unexpected twist happened. Someone bid against me. Doing the very crazy thing, I bid more and even borrowed money from my friends.
Unfortunately, he had more money. I kicked myself then for spending my spare money on online games. And the knife-thrust to the gut and the arrow straight to the heart happened: it was Red Dress's boyfriend who bid against me. My illusions were shattered. Imagine an atom suddenly imploding inside and, all at once, exploding. It was a sudden release of all the tensed energy and for one night, I embraced craziness. I drank all the available alcohol and smoked all the available cigarettes.
“So why’d you bid for Red Dress?” asked someone as he was driving me and my friend home. I just smiled and brushed it off but inside I was slowly imploding and embracing that rush of melancholy like a long-lost friend.
And we finally get to number 7. While walking to the town house, my college residence then, I broke down on the side of the road. Cried. I let the tears explode. Suddenly, I was reminded of how insignificant I was. How deluded I was that a human person would actually fall for someone who was ugly, a bit on the thin side, someone wearing glasses and having a brownish complexion. At least I wasn’t making noise and waking anyone up with my inconsequential breakdown.
And 3 years after no. 7, I’m reminded of a comment a groupmate/friend made about my behaviour. “People actually find you weird and creepy”. Yeah, I know. It was all an elaborate defence mechanism to make me an unattractive person. And it worked. If my classmates are reading this, well here is a psychoanalytic explanation for my crass behaviour falling under Axis 4 of the DSM IV TR guidelines. Damn you Psychiatry!
Yes, the fact that I’m writing this online instead of saying it in person is pathetic but hey, I’m getting somewhere. The mere fact I’m writing about it and posting it on a platform wherein anyone can see it is progress enough. Or who knows, this will stay buried here. Maybe it’s all for the best. Maybe this will serve as a notch, as a mark, that I’ve moved on.
If anything at least I have a very strong reason, among many, to have a work-out routine even during the rigors of medical school.
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